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Dear Die-ree,
Well it's less than two hours before another state of the union address and by golly I really should have thought of doing this earlier.
Americans are worried. Who woulda figured? I thought I could just sweep them up with noise and confusion and the fact that not many citizens really know what goes on - or the history - in them there Middle East. It was so in-jeeee-nee-usss! People would actually give a crap but the situation is so com-plex that they'd turn to the media for guidance on the issue. Bring in the experts, baby. They're good fellers, all a' them, giving facts all right but just enough to make the ignorance even worse plus arouse fear and plenty of internal kay-oss! Well that worked for a while, in fact it's still working, but they're starting to look right in front of them, are my be-luuuuv-ed Americans, and they're goin "Hey George Dubya, whatcha doin' 'bout me and my babies in this time of tur-moil?"
This could, I say could, lead to something awful, but luck-lee my advisors and me figured it out. Have no fear America, George W. is here! I got a "compassionate agenda" and make no mistake, I am going to spin my fine dandy compatriots around an axis of goodness! That economy, you know, can't hold up like this.
That makes sense to this old but shiny mind of mine. Constant uncertainty makes those investors do heck knows what! If the market ain't logical in the good times, why it is downright muddled in these times. In fact the only thing I can be sure of is that gold will still keep doing alright, being the haven of stability that most people seem to flock to in times of uncertainty and change. This doesn't help me much, though, you know my dear die-ree. George W. Bush is an oil man!
George Dubya knows where to spend money! On anything that'll make his people happy! We're talking drug treatment programs, regligious programs, environmental programs, mentoring programs, tax programs. Community service programs, is what we're talking. Happy is what we're talking! If they're happy, George, I tell myself, well then they won't be asking those questions like "Hey George Dubya, what evidence gotcha - really gotcha - that they have them some nuc-yoo-leer or bi-oh-logical or kemm-kull weaponry in Iraq?!"
I'm still not shore what I am going to say about that.
Yours truly,
The Man Who Makes America Great
The Leader of the Free World
The Uniter of Fighters of Evil
The Resilient Tactician and General
The Cunning and Deft Political Goliath
The Only Mortal Who Comes So Close to God He Is Almost Immortal Himself
George W. Bush